dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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