another moral hangover. fuck.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
