my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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