You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
