the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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