why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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