Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
