First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
