She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
