I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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