Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
3 2 1 whiskey
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
