i just wanna soil my oats bro
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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