i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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