I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
