What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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