Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
