Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
