he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
