Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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