I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
