They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize