you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
