I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
