I faked an abortion last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
