If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
