Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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