yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This girl is more easily done than said...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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