Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
