Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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