were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
