a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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