Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
