halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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