i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
