So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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