it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Someone shit on the floor
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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