i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize