im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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