i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
