He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
