I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
