Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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