if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
