Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize