I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
