; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
