I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i've created a new STD.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The air taste purple.
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