I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
