i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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