Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
how do you play pong handcuffed?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Enjoy the penises
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
