You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We named our party play list daddy issues
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
