i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
