He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
