I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
