She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
BRING THE BAGELS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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