im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
