I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize