Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
