he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
