shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
