yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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