Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
