Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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