I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
