We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
