and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
