so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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