I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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