oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
