if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
True college students do jello shots in the library
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
