i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
