it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
