Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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