I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
